Cheaters...

Before you read this: There are links at the bottom of this post that can help people who have deal with being cheated on. The Oprah reference can help with EVERY facet of life. Good luck and happy reading.

These are the interesting things I find when I am cruising on Facebook. I have a tendency to live in my head. If I am going through a particular struggle, I will truly believe that NO ONE else in the world could possibly be going through the same situation. Then, I stumbled upon this page on FB called, "Cheated on, Betrayed and Learning to Forgive."

I literally was in shock that people actually admitted these things out loud. I was cheated on for a few years, I was betrayed, I learned to forgive previously but, currently, I see no reason to forgive him now because I am no longer with him BY CHOICE. (just had to add that)

After speaking to a close friend of mine and seeing the pain she was going through after breaking up with an ex, I realized that I was in the same predicament but, I got the better end of the stick. Yea, I was cheated on...but, the way I look at it is, I moved on.

I started dating a new man who changed my life and my perspective on loving men. Prior to my new man, I thought all men were slothy monsters. I swore there were no good guys around, so I planned to be single after an "in-house separation" with my husband. (That term means we lived in the same home but were separated. I know some people don't believe this is possible but, I promise you all and God that absolutely NOTHING went on between my husband and I during this "in house separation". My ass hurt so bad from sleeping on the couch. Yes, I SLEPT ON THE COUCH. When a woman is fed up...she WILL DO THAT!

There is life after being cheated on and betrayed. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. Sometimes people have valid reasons for why they cheat. They may have felt inadequate or unhappy in their relationship. They may have felt that their spouse or partner was cheating on them, so they went and did the same. Some folks just want to see how many people they can sleep with before their partner catches on! The whole cheating story goes back to one thing: COMMUNICATION.

If your partner has no idea that you are unhappy and you go out there and cheat on them. That's not fair!
If your partner has no idea that you are feelings inadequate and you go out there and cheat...STILL NOT FAIR!

If you don't open up and be honest about your feelings in a relationship, no matter what occurs, if you do cheat and get caught....YOU DESERVE FOR THAT PERSON TO LEAVE YOU WITH NO SECOND CHANCES.

MY STORY:

I cheated once. I let my spouse at the time know that I was unhappy. I came clean and let him know everything. I told him I was sorry. It was very hard for me to break away from the affair I was having because it was more fulfilling than the fake marriage I was in. My spouse at the time disliked the fact that I was honest.

Things went wrong when he spent years pretending that we were ok. We communicated, we did family trips, we got past it....or so I thought.

Long story short, he cheated with not 1, not 2 but 6 other women that I KNOW OF in a 3 year period.

I FORGAVE HIM FOR EVERY SINGLE WOMAN THAT I KNOW HE CHEATED WITH.


After a few years, the 6th one just kept popping up. After our 4mth in house separation, I told him he had to leave. I had already moved on with my life with my new man. His 6th woman kept popping up all over the place but, he continued to DENY, DENY, DENY. I was tired of the drama.

Ffwd to present day:

He is miserable without me.
I am extremely happy without him.

There is no right and wrong in this story. What I'm trying to say is...WE BOTH WERE WRONG. We both did things that were WRONG. No matter how wrong I was though, I made sure that I was honest. It may have taken me time to tell him the truth but, I cant lay down next to someone every night knowing that I'm hurting them and I expect for them to do the same with me.

I say all this to say, LIFE GOES ON.
LOVE GOES ON.

FORGIVE, FORGET OR LIFE IS YOURS TO REGRET!

Hugs and Kisses,

Ms. Bliss

And for those of you who are truly, truly struggling. This page on FB seems very positive:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Cheated-on-Betrayed-and-Learning-to-Forgive/126723320781362
Also, if you get a chance, Google: Oprah's Lifeclass. It truly helps people move on with every avenue of their life. Whether it is dealing with a former cheating spouse or a sister who makes you feel insignificant.

Peace.